I hear it all the time, the words “but we are blood related, I feel that I have a duty to do it.”
No, no you don’t. I have learnt the hard way and i am still learning.
Why keep hurting yourself for someone who actually doesn’t bother with you?
It’s sad to write this but if you asked the majority of my blood “family members” 5 simple questions about me or my life they honestly would not be able to answer. I am not talking about my children within this post.
There is one family member who could answer and thats my sister.
My “blood family” is huge, there are loads of us but my true family is minimum. As far as i am concerned my family consists of a few blood relatives but the majority are my friends, These selected few are the ones who i don’t need to speak to every day, they can take one look at me and know if something is wrong. The ones who celebrate my successes but also understand that sometimes i shut down, don’t communicate and thats okay! They don’t take offence, they just know i burn out and need time sometimes to self regulate.
I have always struggled to regulate my emotions and energy. Since starting my adhd medication in August 25, things feel clearer, I can manage things better.
I am understanding myself better and I now know, it was okay to get so frustrated when i was trying to have a normal relationship with family members and yet they just took and took from me.
I have a massive heart and i love fully, if i tell you i love you i really mean it. But when i feel hurt, it destroys me and it can take me a long time to move forward. I have always given people so many chances then all of a sudden i get to the point where im done, my emotions switch off, when this happens i am completely done. Sounds cold but this happens after a long time of destroying myself whilst trying to maintain that relationship.
One day the time will come where i breathe my last breath (Hopefully a long long time from now) and i do not want people after saying they knew me, saying all this rubbish that people say when someone passes away, when they actually didn’t know me, didn’t bother with me. Didn’t watch my children grow up to be the most amazing beautiful humans.
So i guess this is to say, if you can relate, I get it.
YOU are not selfish for protecting your own inner peace, for stopping yourself from being hurt over and over again.
Life is far too short to spend your time and energy on people who would never do the same for you.
We have a short time on Earth, do it for you, do it for the ones who bother. Appreciate the small things, the stars, the moon, the laughter, the tears, the sip of tea, the first breath you take when you wake up, the aches, the pains, everything as this means we are still alive and that means we still have a chance to break the cycle of using the words “but we are blood related, I feel that I have a duty to do it.”
Good night,
The Spirited Nurse x
The Spirited Nurse. 